...A monthly newsletter designed to help make your marriage great. Each issue contains articles, tips and more.

     Fifteen years into their marriage, Ellen and Josh’s world is about to come undone.  Ellen happily gave up her budding career as a Public Relations Manager to raise two children.  She thought everything was fine until her husband “changed” on her.  While Ellen has been heavily involved in her daughters school activities, Josh found great meaning in his Men’s Bible Study Group.

     Josh has demanded that Ellen be more “submissive.”  Ellen is befuddled:  “He’s not the man I married.”  The couple has recently sought counseling, but has not come to terms with the changes taking place in their relationship.  Counseling hasn’t helped and Ellen believes that divorce is the best option, given a husband who insists on a role that Ellen never signed up for.

   Unbeknownst to Ellen and Josh, the couple had been slowly, and subtly drifting apart.  The married team that was once solid and unbreakable transitioned healthily into a family team when the children were young.  Over time, the husband and wife chose to pursue outside interests which became a main focal point.  At the same time, they did not nurture or invest in their relationship.  This is very common, as the demands of work, life and family increase.  The drifting apart seems to go unnoticed.

     This is a fictional example, but elements of this story are not uncommon.

     Outside interests are not detrimental unless they replace or interfere with couple or family time.  Couples and families need to invest in fun, positive activities in order to thrive and they need to remember to travel together, along their unique relationship path, with the same values.  Research indicates that small vacations and short periods of time spent together are better for the long term than one or two big vacations per year.   Intimacy, mutual respect, cooperation and fostering good feelings occur in families where people interact with each other with some regularity.  “You get what you give” is a common theme in Gerald Patterson and Marion Forgatch’s book Parents and Adolescents Living Together: Part I: The Basics (2005).

     “Change is inevitable.”  We hear this phrase often.  We need to go with the flow of change and adapt as needed.  We also need to enter relationships with a clear and complete understanding of who we are and who our partner is.  We need to acknowledge that in some ways, our partner (as well as self) is not who we married, but hopefully, someone “better” than who we married – someone who has improved as the result of our union.

Lynn M. Griesemer is a Marriage Coach and has been happily married for over 25 years. She helps struggling marriages improve and good marriages become great. www.marriagecoachlynn.com.

Give your spouse space to toss around his or her ideas for personal improvement even if you think you “KNOW" what might be best for him or her.  Improvements almost always come from an internal light bulb going off and then action taken toward betterment.  Too often, spouses want to tell, show or demand that their partner improve.  When we “own” it or discover it ourselves, we are more likely to succeed.

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Patience is passion tamed.   - Lyman Abbott

Patience can’t be acquired overnight. It is just like building up a muscle. Every day you need to work on it.       - Eknath Easwaran

Nurture your marriage and invest in resources, conferences, weekend retreats, therapy or coaching as a way to deepen your understanding of yourself and your relationship. Some people spend 15 minutes a day with prayer, meditation or spiritual reading.  How about 15 minutes per day on marital reading?! Professional development is one’s career is important and so too is your marriage.   Please add “Reenergize Your Marriage in 21 Days” to your personal library.  You won’t be disappointed!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/59883

Here’s what others are saying about the book:

“You have provided a lot of practical advice and exercises that should help the reader. If I had to sum it up in one word, 'communicate' would be my choice. Much of the advice and many of the exercises help the two partners to rekindle communication with one another.” – P.W., Annandale, VA

“Reenergize Your Marriage in 21 Days it is very informative, friendly and positive. What I like is that it gives positive reinforcement. What you are doing is great. I am thankful for people (like yourself), expressing and living their lives about what they are passionate about.” – F.A., Chantilly, VA.