Vol 2, No. 10 Aug 2012

...A monthly newsletter designed to help make your marriage great. Each issue contains articles, tips and more.

Wabi Sabi Love

by Lynn M. Griesemer

     “Wabi Sabi Love” by Arielle Ford (2010) caught my eye recently.  I am drawn to relationship books and the first question I ask is, “How is this different from other relationship books?”  Are there really new solutions and theories to the age-old questions of (1) What are the secrets to a happy marriage?  (2)  Is this book just a repackaging and renaming of previously known ‘secrets’?  I am on the lookout for something new and unique.

     The author begins:  “Wabi Sabi is the ancient Japanese art form that finds beauty and perfection in imperfection.  Wabi Sabi honors that which is imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete.  It is not mere acceptance or denial of the things that may annoy us, but rather a deep and profound appreciation for the uniqueness of each other.”

   I found the concept interesting because oftentimes we try to deal with, ignore or avoid that which annoys us about our spouse rather than work on liking and embracing those qualities or behaviors.

     Imagine your spouse ate a poppyseed bagel daily and walked through the house as he ate it, unknowingly dropping poppyseeds along his route.  Rather than criticize, condemn and scold him for scattering crumbs all over the house, Wabi Sabi Love would be the wife simply smiling while sweeping or vacuuming the mess, thinking that the alternative would be an absent husband (divorce or death).

     Given the choice, many of us would prefer to eliminate the imperfections in ourself and our spouse.  Wabi Sabi means loving the quirks and seeing them as part of the whole.  Wabi Sabi is big on forgiveness, gratitude, understanding and compassion.

     I’m not sure Wabi Sabi has new and unique secrets to life-lasting love.  What it did open up for me was the idea that we can expand this type of love from the spouse relationship and apply it to other relationships, such as with siblings, parents and co-workers.

Lynn M. Griesemer is a Marriage Coach and has been happily married for over 25 years. She helps struggling marriages improve and good marriages become great. www.marriagecoachlynn.com.

Listen to internet radio with Marriagecoachlynn on Blog Talk Radio Marriage Coach Lynn

Promote Your Page Too
Follow MarriageCoachLn on Twitter

The Wabi Sabi philosophy says that which once made you crazy now makes you grateful.  Change your attitude or viewpoint and you may change your relationship.

Picture Couples Corner

Meet Dan and Beth Petermeier.  They’ve been married for 18 years and are a good example of “Wabi Sabi Love.”  Dan says, “We’ve grown to know each other’s faults and shortcomings and while it was more of a challenge early on in our marriage, it is something that we have to adapt to constantly as things in our lives change.”  Over the years, Beth and Dan’s differences have had a positive influence and contribute to the balance they now experience – issues such as finances and temperament.  Beth and Dan believe that it is important to support each other in the pursuit of individual goals and dreams, while at the same time, placing the relationship above all else.  They agree that their marriage has weathered various storms and will continue to successfully cope with future challenges because, “We were called to be a couple, first and foremost.  Our marriage is unique because through powers that lay in the Heavens, we were brought together and through very similar powers, it has been the reason we are still together.”


“Wabi Sabi Love calls for personal responsibility in which we nurture and care for ourselves as well as our partners, in mind, body and spirit.” – Arielle Ford


Nurture your marriage and invest in resources, conferences, weekend retreats, therapy or coaching as a way to deepen your understanding of yourself and your relationship. Some people spend 15 minutes a day with prayer, meditation or spiritual reading.  How about 15 minutes per day on marital reading?! Professional development is one’s career is important and so too is your marriage.   Please add “Reenergize Your Marriage in 21 Days” to your personal library.  You won’t be disappointed!


Here’s what others are saying about the book:

“You have provided a lot of practical advice and exercises that should help the reader. If I had to sum it up in one word, 'communicate' would be my choice. Much of the advice and many of the exercises help the two partners to rekindle communication with one another.” – P.W., Annandale, VA

Reenergize Your Marriage in 21 Days it is very informative, friendly and positive. What I like is that it gives positive reinforcement. What you are doing is great. I am thankful for people (like yourself), expressing and living their lives about what they are passionate about.” – F.A., Chantilly, VA.

© 2012 Lynn M. Griesemer

To ensure you receive our montly newsletter, make sure you add noreply@marriagecoachlynn.com to your address book. If you prefer not to receive future email from MarriageCoachLynn.com, please unsubscribe here.