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Create Shared Meaning – YMMP011

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What’s it like to be in a thriving marriage?

Find out today as we discuss the final level of the Sound Relationship House, “Create Shared Meaning.”

Your Marriage Matters has only been in existence for 11 weeks and we’ve shared a plethora of secrets, techniques and tips to get you to the highest level of a fully functioning marriage.

Isn’t it exciting?!

There’s much more to come.

But, for today, sit back, relax and contemplate the important questions as to why you are married, what is the purpose of your marriage, and where are you headed?

Strongly consider creating a mission statement for your marriage. Remember Stephen Covey?  He’s got a lot of tools for you if this is something you’d like to do.

Don’t forget to subscribe to “Marriage Coach Lynn” Youtube channel. Each Motivational Monday episode is a companion to the podcast episode. If I zipped through the suggestion in a podcast episode, you will find a brief explanation on a video on the youtube channel.

Make Your Marriage Great!

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Make Life Dreams Come True – YMMP010

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Have you ever felt like giving up during the same old arguments?

WAIT!!! There’s hope!

With almost every argument, there is a dream lurking beneath the surface. Today’s episode, “Make Life Dreams Come True,” sheds hope.

Husband leaves the toilet seat up? Wife is defensive about spending money on trendy fashion items? Husband seems lazy around the house? Wife seems to spend more time talking with friends than her children?

Hold on. It’s not the issue that needs to be corrected. There’s something more going on.

Find out how and why disputes can drag us down and discover a way out.

Today’s mission is to think of an issue that seems to get blown out of proportion. Find out what’s really going on with the simple process outlined in today’s episode.

Visit marriagecoachlynn.com for more marriage hacks and help. Don’t wait for your marriage to slip into oblivion – perform marriage maintenance on your good or great marriage so that it will remain strong and fulfilling.

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Self-Soothing – YMMP009

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GO TO TIME OUT!

   We send our children to “time out” when they’re misbehaving. It’s a chance for them to think about what they did wrong.

We need to take a voluntary time out when our arguments get heated. We need to disengage, walk away and regroup in the middle of a spat. Come back when we’ve calmed down.

When we get “flooded,” the best thing we can do is to “self-soothe” for 20 or more minutes.

Listen to today’s episode to make sure you don’t fall into the trap of a lose-lose argument.

“Practice Self-Soothing” is on the Manage Conflict rung of the Sound Relationship House and is the topic for today.

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Dialogue About Problems – YMMP008

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Do you want more sex?

Then you need to learn how to dialogue about problems.

You read that right.

Most people think fatigue, lack of libido or interest top the list of why people are not sexually interested.

Think again.

We don’t need to move to a quick resolution when we argue; we need to stop, slow down, listen, understand and show respect.

This is the key to peace among spouses and peace in the bedroom.

Stop being selfish and take time to listen. Learn how to dialogue and listen to this week’s podcast. Watch the weekly youtube video that accompanies this podcast episode on the Marriage Coach Lynn channel. The date of the podcast episode corresponds with the date of the youtube video.

Sound Relationship House, Level 5-Manage Conflict; “Dialogue about Problems.”

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Accept Your Partner’s Influence – YMMP007

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“What’s it like being married to me?”  Ask your partner this question and listen to the reply.

Accepting each other’s influence gives you a firm foundation for compromise when compromise is called for. You’re sharing power and decision making. There is mutual respect. There is a stronger bond and friendship. There is probably more play and more sex in your marriage too!

What are the payoffs of accepting your partner’s influence?  What are the risks of not accepting your partner’s influence? Today’s episode will clearly answer those questions.

Find out the 5 questions you must answer “true” to in order to have a thriving relationship by accepting your partner’s influence.

Accepting Your Partner’s Influence is on the 5th Level  (“Manage Conflict”) of the Sound Relationship House. (www.gottmaninstitute.com).

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Inspirational Athlete Interview – YMMP006

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50 Half Marathons in 50 states! My guest, 56 yr-old Olivia Story accomplished this amazing feat on 1/14 /18, when she crossed the finish line of the Maui Oceanfront Half Marathon in Lahaina, Hawaii.

From Florida to Alaska and all points in between, Olivia maintained a consistent training routine for 6 years, amidst a busy life as a full time CPA in the Sunshine State.

Olivia is a wife, mother of a young adult, dog owner, and active in her community. How does one find the time to travel and complete a major goal in 6 years? What were some of the challenges she faced? How did she maintain a long-term training schedule that excluded injury?

Listen to today’s show and she’ll reveal how and why she decided to run, and what her technique and approach to a long-term goal involved.

You’ll see obvious parallels between her success as a 50-state runner and creating a fulfilling marriage. Olivia talks about patience, being sensible in your goal accomplishment, and mapping your route with care and consideration.

Olivia overcame setbacks, persevered and conquered an enormous undertaking. This is what we need to do in our marriage! Don’t give up. Find a way. Work hard because the payoffs are abundant.

A true inspiration, Olivia encourages others to choose a goal and do something exciting with your life! She enjoyed traveling around the country with friends, meeting new friends, and celebrating with runners in the running community. She will receive the Fifty State Endurance Challenge Award in Ocean City, New Jersey at a special awards ceremony in September. Did I mention that two of her states were full marathons?!

If you enjoyed today’s episode of YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS podcast, please subscribe, and post a rating and review. This is the first of many interviews and this interview is available in video form on my Youtube channel, Marriage Coach Lynn. Check it out, subscribe and take a look at other videos. I have many playlists on various topics for you as you build an amazing marriage.

Please visit marriagecoachlynn.com, take a look around, and join the Your Marriage Matters Movement if you support and value lifelong marriage. In 2018, I will be offering members an exclusive and free book titled, “Make Your Marriage Great: Clean of Heart.” As we grow this community of pro-marriage supporters, you are invited to join the Facebook group “Your Marriage Matters Podcast” and Facebook page Marriage Coach Lynn. Who doesn’t want to be happy and fulfilled in their marriage?! Until next time, make your marriage great!

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Positive Perspective – Couple Friendship – YMMP005

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Psst…

Want to know the best ways to insure your marriage? No monthly or annual installments here. Can you guess what two simple ways are (in addition to daily hugs, of course)?

You’d be right if you guessed the following:

  1. Create a stronger friendship with your spouse.
  2. Adopt a positive perspective to ensure a positive view of your spouse. When the going gets tough, you are equipped with good thoughts and can overcome disagreements more easily.

Today’s episode centers on the “Positive Perspective,” the 4th level of the “The Sound Relationship House” (www.gottmaninstitute.com). Find out how understanding negative and positive viewpoints can create either poisonous roots or blossoming flowers in your marriage.

Don’t be surprised when you hear of a spouse getting blindsided by the partner or a couple you thought had a solid marriage announcing their separation or divorce, with “no clue” or warning to at least one of the partners. I bet they weren’t incorporating the principles of The Sound Relationship House in their marriage.

If you haven’t already done so, please listen to the previous three episodes so that you can create a relationship in which you won’t be blindsided. Visit www.marriagecoachlynn.com for a model of the Sound Relationship house in the Resources section.

A great resource for strengthening your friendship and putting a little more sizzle into your marriage, download a copy of “Reenergize Your Marriage in 21 Days” on Smashwords.com or Amazon.com.

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Turn Towards Each Other – YMMP004

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How can we insert more romance into our marriage without trying?

In today’s episode, you’ll discover easy ways to keep your relationship traveling in the direction of comfort and closeness. This episode is short and to the point!

Wipe out neglect by turning towards your partner rather than away from him or her.

This is so simple, yet is one of those things that causes a slow erosion and distance between spouses.

“Turn Towards Your Partner Instead of Away” is the third level of “The Sound Relationship House” Theory as proposed by Dr. John Gottman (www.gottmaninstitute.org).

Be sure to listen to Your Marriage Matters episodes 2 and 3 in order to benefit fully from this process. We will continue with The Sound Relationship House for 6 more episodes. By the time you are finished with this series AND if you practice the suggestions and techniques provided in this series, you will lay a foundation that can eliminate the threat of divorce and discontent in your marriage!

Please don’t think divorce is not a possibility. It’s occurring in 40% of the population. Almost all couples who walk down the aisle of love on their wedding day will proclaim: “It won’t be us!” So who are these 40% of first marriages that end in divorce?

No one knows what the future holds. But we do know there is so much we can do in the present!

I meet men and women almost on a daily basis who are BLINDSIDED. They are SHOCKED that they ended up in a place of separation or divorce. They never thought it would happen to them. And guess what? Do you know what might have saved their marriage?

Are they following this model? Do they know one another’s world (Building Love Maps)? Are they fond and admirable of each other? Are they turning towards each other on a daily basis? Hmm. Something to think about…

Don’t end up going down the path of estrangement and do yourself a favor and take 10 minutes to listen to today’s episode. You won’t be sorry.

 

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Fondness and Admiration – YMMP003

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Do you want to know how to eliminate the threat of an affair? Want to be in a relationship where the D-word won’t surface? (The D-word = divorce) Give me 12 minutes of your time and you’ll see what I mean.

Do you like your spouse? How do you show it?

Are you fond of your spouse?  Do you admire your spouse?

Today we will talk about why it’s important to honor, respect and be kind to your spouse. Some of us take it for granted, but did you know that if you are fond of your spouse and show admiration, then the likelihood of contempt or an affair is DRASTICALLY reduced?

It takes conscious effort to set aside the flaws, annoyances and teeny, tiny criticisms of our beloved, but it can make or break your marriage over the long haul.

Please, no eye-rolling of public criticisms of your spouse. No one benefits.

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Love Maps – The Key to Understanding – YMMP002

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Did you know that couples get stuck in a cycle of conflict and miscommunication based in large part because they don’t understand each other?

Does your spouse GET you? Does he or she know what’s going on with you? Do you GET your spouse?

On today’s show, we talk about LOVE MAPS – what it means, why it’s important and how you can create an accurate love map.

“Building Love Maps; Knowing One Another’s World” is at the foundation of the Sound Relationship House Theory (as proposed by John Gottman; gottmaninstitute.com). A love map is a road map of one’s inner psychological world.

Do you know the one quality essential for accurate Love Maps?  I’ll give you a hint. Unscramble these letters: S-T-O-N-E-Y-H

Today’s show went beyond 15 minutes, in part because I wanted to review 4 secrets on how to build an amazing marriage:

  1. Self-awareness. You must seek the truth about yourself, and not be afraid to be vulnerable.
  2. YOU are responsible for a big part of your marital happiness, so STOP staring at your spouse for answers or blame.
  3. Teamwork. Always keep in mind that the husband and wife dynamic is like a team, working for the “greater good” and end goal of a fully functioning family unit. Say that 10 times fast. Fully functioning family unit…..
  4. Stick with Your Marriage Matters and you won’t become a statistic! It is my hope that you become a pillar of your community, with an amazing marriage. Very few marriage counselors and coaches make guarantees and promises, but I do.